10 Questions with Elder Law Attorney Harry Margolis

Carol S.

need some veiws. my mother was diagnosed woth moderate dementia. she is 94, very and strong willed. she also has neuropathy in her feet. she took a fall and ended up in the hospital through med alert system. had tests, nnothing broken just wanting to go home very much. in the mean time my sister 5 days later, sets her up in nursing home and tells my mother she is there for rehap and will get out when she is better, when she completly had her signed in forever, got rid of her apt and didn't let me know until everything was signed sealed and delivered. Now she has washed her hands of even calling my mother, won't take her calls, and not sure if she will visit her anymore because my mom is angry at my sisster and i don't blame her. i went to visit 2 days before easter and my mom was sitting on the side of bed wanting to go home to her apt for just a night to visit. i couldn't say she had no apt. or belongings left but she is always insisting she wants to go home .I feel she was deceived in a huge way. she till this day has no idea her apt. is gone! on that visit my mother asked me did your sister put me in here forever and i has to say yes. she sat on the bed,hands over face and cried and cried,more than broke my heart.i called my sister from nursing home phone didn,t have my cell)and since she screens my moms calls, i had left two messages to call my mothers room ASAP. that was two days before Easter, she never called,and i said it was urgent, no calls!, not even on Easter Day! She turned all moms finances over to my oldest brother of which i have two. Now this big bro (kind of a trouble maker and never calls my mother and is close to my sister, im sure planned it together,wants a itemized list of all the contents that my other brother, whom i am close to,and myself have taken out of the apt.He stated this in an email letter to my sister,when he was agreeing to taken over my moms finances, but doesn't mention the contents my sister took. i am very close to my mother but she wants out of their so bad. my sister , by the way notified me all this by with text messages, and kept promising me she would call me cause i as soon as she got my mother as she said situated. and thats just what she did. wanted everything to be signed before calling me and never told me about my mothers apt. was EVEN GONE! I found out tby a nurse who had said my mom was a "sweet heart,but it's so sad about her apt being gone!" I was apolled! Called my sister , her husband screamed at me and said i had chose not to participate. My marriage is shaky and i kind of alienated away from my mom. But before that i called my mom every day and always called to say goodnite. She would never call my sister on weekends because her husband , my brotherlaw, was and didn't want to bother them. Then I offer to clean my moms apt. to my sister and she kind of responded I didn't have to. i told her i was headed over one day and she was adamant, didn't want me to go till the following sunday, which i had already been there once, to check out how much cleaning was to be done. Well i didn't go during the day she mentioned not to go , but i went that night. Well, my sister didn't want to go that day, because the reason was , was she went over and took every sheet, blanket, stereo, towels,silverware, flatware, MONEY my mother used to put in an empty baking powder can and store in refrigerator,don't know how much, but she used keep alot of twenty dollar bills, because she had me get money out of there before.So my poor mother has no idea her apt. is gone, I find out through a nurse, and i'm syre when i see my mother today she will mention either getting something out of the apt. or if she can get like a discharge day and visit her apt.I texted my sister and told her i will be with nmom on easter, but "what about her being told that she has no apt and she's in their forever. NO RESPONSE FROM HER! one more thing i was cleaning my moms aptartment, and talked to the manager about when everything needs to be out of there and when and how much does my mom get back for security deposit, in which he said 200.00 and takes about thirty days. Well my sister came by when i was cleaning, and i purposely brought up the security deposit and how much it was. Right off the bat she said it was 100.00 dollars instead of 200.00 dollars. So here it stands my mother still thinks she has an apartment,not sure if she realizes she's there for life and my sister has washed her hands of it and is ignoring my mother completly! Then "big bro who's taking over finances, wants an itemized list of things my other brother and I have taken, not my sister though.Please if you could, point me in the right direction as far as my mothers apartment being GONE and her not knowing it!, and that she's there for life! And my brother and his list.Thank you

Posted: April 11, 2012 at 12:14 PM

Comments (4)

A.J. Peters

Allison, thank you for sharing this article. One other option for the elderly parent who is unable to manage paying bills, etc., is to hire a Daily Money Manager ("DMM"). The field of Daily Money Management is a relatively new profession (about 20 years). In today's fast paced society with people living longer; the Sandwich Gereration taking care of elderly parents and children, at the same time; more and more people living hundreds of miles away from elderly parents, Daily Money Managers are frequently helpful.

A DMM can assist with paying bills, reconciling statements, scheduling appointments, setting up direct deposit and automatic debit, as well as other daily money matters. Some may also monitor caregivers for family members living at a distance.

Apart from assisting senior citizens who are unable to manage their affairs, DMM also assist caregivers,travelers, and professionals.

To find out more about DMMs and to find one in your area, visit the website of the American Association of Daily Money Managers (www.aadmm.com) or e-mail: info@aadmm.com, or call 877-326-5991).

Thanks, again.

Posted: March 02, 2011 at 11:24 AM

Luella Palmer

My ex-husband who I have close contact with even thou we a divorced, was recently put in a Nursing Home, she tricked him, had her Aunt drive him to a Nursing home saying they were going to visit someone, got him up on the third floor of the Nursing Home which has locked doors and told him, he was going to stay a couple of nights, he was diagnosed with Alzheimers 5 yrs ago and has a lot of memory and knows this is not right and doesn't want to be there , he needs an assisted living and I even said I would take him in my residence and care for him , as long as he gets his meals and medicine, he is fine, and I don't understand why my daughter would put him in this facility, where the patients in this unit , have no memory or know who they are. He does and I have a paper from a Dr. in this facility saying he doesnt belong in this unit. what can I do to help him , can he change his power of attorney, and how can I help him. He does Not deserve this.

Posted: April 26, 2011 at 7:44 AM