8 Ways to Have a Great Relationship with Your Nanny

Nice Article.

I like this.

I really like this article!! Keep them coming please.

I think it is great all mom with nanny should read this love it love it

I like the Article...

I WISH THIS PARENT ETIQUETE WAS READ BY MORE PARENTS THAN NANNIES!! IT REALLY MAKES SENSE, I LOVE IT!!
It makes more sense to keep your employees happy and know they will make the effort to work harder for you because you're a great boss, specially when they are in charge of your kids and your house, than having a nanny that will talk about you behind your back, be always on the lookout for something better, not feeling like a part of the family, and not feeling appreciated for all the hard work she puts in.
In reality, if you have kids you'll always need someone to HELP, be your friend and take care and love your kids, and why not show them your appreciation, in the long run you and your kids will get the bigger benefits!!

This is a great article. I wish the family that I work for would read this. Thanks Care.com.

I loved this article. Then I read the comments. Maybe if you want your family to read it you should send her a link to this page. However, i suppose if this is not like your family/ nanny dynamics, chances are it never will be. The economy is a tough thing for everyone. I believe that moms and dads with nanny's are taxed too. But most of all, I believe that we have to love and care for every child everyday as we would if everything in this article were true in our circumstance. :)

Well composed. Fair and equitable from both ends in working to make everyone happy. Most importantly the children residing in a more peaceful home. Thank you Care.com

Very helpful... :)

Points 1 and 4 are imperative!
The rest are fine and all but if you are paying your nanny well for a job well done then just let her do her job and all should be well...And don't forget it is her job-hence why you should pay her well, so she will be happy to stay working with you!

As a side note: your nanny can buy her own bath salts...if you really want to be generous and want her to know how much she deserves her a treat get her a gift certificate for a massage!

This was helpful

This was helpful hints for parents and nannies alike I hope to be a nanny I haven't been one yet. It sounds like something that I can do

As a nanny, I went above and beyond my duties. That was just my personality.I have learned to scale back because I HAVE been taken advatage of in the past. Things came to be expected of me and here, I was just trying to be nice whenever I had a few minutes of free time during the kids' naps. Then when I left the job to move on the family asked me what they should look for in a replcement since I was so "great" as they wondered how they'd ever find another m"e". I told them if they find someone who goes above and beyond their duties, make sure to notice and say thank you. It makes a world of difference to be appreciated. Especially when you do things because your doing it out of kindness.

Fantastic Article!! Thank you, Care.com!

This was a great article. I was blessed to nanny for a great military family for 8 months, until a few months ago. They were very clear about what they expected of me, which I appreciated. I often did little extras like fold the laundry, do their breakfast dishes, bought the children a small, inexpensive Christmas gift which they didn't expect and genuinely were surprised and thankful. They also usually rounded up if I worked a half hour. They gave me advances when I was having financial difficulties. They started buying the soft drink I like regularly, which they hadn't been when I started working for them. They paid me well, always expressed appreciation, and I was happy to help in any extra ways I would come across. But of all the positive feedback I received from them, the fact that they ALWAYS said "Thank You" at the end of the day, when I completed any particular task whether required of me or not, basically for anything and everything I did for them and their children. I have worked for some families in the past who handed me long lists of extensive tasks I really worked hard to complete, left nothing in the refrigerator to prepare for their children's dinner, so I bought them kids' meals out of my own pocket, which they didn't even offer to reimburse, arrived well after I was supposed to finish my shift without so much as a phone call to see if I was ok staying late, nor an apology for not calling. And what is ironic is that these unappreciative taskmasters also always seemed to be the ones who weren't even paying me a wage that reflected the workload and level of responsibility. I have my standard rates, but I have worked for lower rates to help out, spread some good karma, yet it is very disheartening to not even receive at least a simple "thank you" for the high quality of care for their children I provide them with, especially when I am also doing them the favor of working for a lower rate to help them out.

Please, if your nanny is doing a great job TELL HER SO! If there are things you'd like done differently, let her know what she is doing great at, and politely explain your wishes for any changes you'd like to see made. If she receives praise for her good work, she is more likely to want to strive to meet and exceed your expectations in areas that need change or improvement.

And please, I'm sorry if this sounds insensitive, but if you say you are trying to find "affordable" childcare, and you have 2,3, even 6 children, even 1 for that matter, and you list the pay you are offering as $5/hour...are you really expecting to find quality care for your children? $5/hr is below even minimum wage, so the best you can expect is a teenager under 16, the legal age to work, perhaps someone who doesn't mind receiving $20-40 a day, but will likely be on the phone, internet, watching TV, or rolling around on your couch with a boyfriend while your baby cries from hunger and a wet diaper, or your older children chat with child predators on the internet, fall down the stairs after running around unsupervised, etc. Perhaps a family member, or someone who is practicing charity and doesn't really need the money would work for $5/hr, maybe an illegal alien..otherwise..I am sorry but what are you expecting to find for that pay? I do empathize with families in dire financial situations. I am the oldest of 4 siblings, my parents divorced when I was 8, and my mom worked long hours to support us, so by the time I was 9, I was the family babysitter, pretty much raising my younger brothers and sister, at that time 5, 4, and 1. I know the law in TX doesn't allow children to be home alone without someone at least 13 years of age. So latch-key kids, like I was, are not only lacking the safety of adult supervision, but if reported to Child Protective Services, parents can face fines, prosecution, even the loss of custody of their own children. If you are in dire straits financially, please look into local, county, state programs that help with subsidies for childcare, provide licensed and certified childcare facilities especially for low income families. I know TX has several programs, there are federal tax incentives, there ARE resources. I'd be wary at the least to leave my child with someone who will work for $5 an hour. Please think about that and explore other avenues. You have to do the research. The help won't come looking for you, but it is available.

I like the article but loved what "Martha C." had to say about her experiences and I totally agree with her.

Love this article!

I've would of loved to read this article before. Now I know and I'll do my very best. Thank you

Very good article. As a nanny, I know I am more willing to go the extra mile for the families that show me more appreciation. It's not that I expect more money or fancy gifts but little things like birthday cards or keeping my favorite soda in the fridge make me feel valued and that the extra things I do are noticed and appreciated. I love it when the families notice small things I enjoy like a particular flavor of coffee creamer or snacks. It's a fun surprise to open the pantry and find a note on a box of my favorite crackers that says "for Jennie...Enjoy :)"

Great article. In addition to not leaving a note about big issues, though, they need to add "don't e-mail your nanny about big issues either." I had a client one time who was angry and e-mailed me about a very sensitive topic. Not cool!!!!

I love this article!

I have nannied for great families and not -so-great families over the past twelve years. The not-so- great families, I always left as soon as I could find something better. The great families, I stayed with as long as I could and often spent years with them. For one of my best families, I even relocated from the midwest, leaving my parents and community behind to move to the west coast.


Treat your nannies well! It will always be worth it for your sake and more importantly, for your children's sake.

And Ps. hire a house cleaner to clean your house. Your nanny is there for your children, not to clean your toilet.

Good article but I would like another one on how to form a good relationship with your FAMILY! Alot of careproviders want respect and a good treatment but don't give it. Remember, yes, there are families who don't appreciate but it is not always the family's fault you work for but the attitude with whidh you enter the job. Sometimes as I have read above careproviders are self-fulfilling prophecies. If you expect every other family to be like the family that you DIDN'T get along with, ....they will be. I just don't find it fair to put all the blame on the families! The one point I have a problem with is #4. Some people who watch your children think that just because they are in a position of semi-authority that gives them the right to do WHATEVER they want with your child...remember the child you are watching is put in your care temporarily each time the parent leaves you with their child. They are trusting you that you will be KIND to their children even when administering discipline. Remember, I expect you to treat my child the way I WOULD when I am away. If I am not constantly yelling at them or over disciplining my child, I would rather that stay constant. Sending a child to time out should be enough....case closed!

This is really helpful. I live far away from any family and have needed a sitter on occasion lately. I don't know who to trust so I'm glad I found this site it will help the next time there's an emergency.

A lot of really good points in this article. I wish it had been here two months ago. In my particular situation, the following applied to my last place of employment:
In reference to the second paragraph of this article: If one of the parents is gone, i.e., serving a miltary tour overseas, the deployed spouse should definitely keep in touch with the nanny. This way any concerns (from either party) can be aired and misunderstandings are less likely to occur. Communication is THE most crucial aspect.
I seriously hope my former employer, (the then absent one), realizes what an impact her looking the other way was. I'll never understand that. She will never know that I was her staunchest advocate the whole time. Most of all, my heart aches for the 3 children I had grown so attached to (and vice versa)during my 15-month employment with the family.

this is great. thanks for the reminder. nanny is a family member not an employee.

I agree with most of these statements. Nannies and babysitters are two different things. I work very hard. I love the kids I nanny for. I play, create routines, teach, discipline, cook, feed, change diapers, potty train, carpool, play date, bathe..etc. You name one thing that you do for your own child and that's what I do for my families that I work for and I do it with the utmost care and respect. I am lucky enough to have a family that is one of the above mentioned rare breeds. But in return I will go out of my way to make beds and scrub toilets when I have the time. You get results for the way you treat your nanny.

Love this article!!

I'm a parent with a child in daycare and all of this applies to our daycare provider as well, not just nannies. Of course, I think this can apply to virtually every employee/employer realationship. It's so important to just treat people well and kindly and show some appreciation for their hard work, but it's even more important when someone is caring for your child, who's value is priceless. (of course this could also be applied to husband/wife relationships too :)

I was a nanny for 7 years, multiple families that I felt very happy with-now I am a mom with a part-time nanny. I know that a lot of moms throw out the phrase "a nanny is part of the family, too!" but I disagree. A nanny is paid to be there-I never felt like I was part of the family, no matter how long I worked for them or how much we all enjoyed each other-it's truly an employer/employee relationship whether moms want to admit it or not. I can't remember ever hearing a nanny say "I'm feel like I'm part of the family"

Good article! But really, all generous people do these gestures. The underlying major factor is the way different people have developed psychologically. Some people are big and generous at heart and some are not (does not define them as good or bad people).

Martha's comment: A bit biased which is again natural. Few things:
1. When somebody offers less money, just refuse to do the job. If you don't have other options then being negligent with children becasue of less salry or not hearing thanks in return is no excuse (and girls like these can be caught and will spend their lives in jail). I think no woman/girl can be negligent of a child falling off stairs even if she was being given nothing. Yes I agree she will not go extra mile but please as a human after committing to a family for caring for their children, protect them from physical harm and hunger. If you need a reward for everything single thing, your clean conscience will satisfy you here as a reward.

2. Doing any type of job has its challenges. People standing in stores 8-10 hours are doing a tough job, some even worse. A nanny's job even though challenging in a variety of ways has its comforts. Even though it deserves great importance as she is taking care of kids, but please don't exploit this more than it deserves. Its a job that requires certain skills. If you have them you deserve it.

Maria; family: Mahalo's comment is 100% accurate and that is how the relationship should be when you're doing a job. Otherwise "familiness" adn more than needed "friendliness" will hinder good relationship.

We all know that we are all friends until we start living together.

AMEN TO ALVINA AND MAHALO!!!!

1. Expectations- These things could be made and clear, but as soon as you state that then many feel as if it's a hard line between #6. Picking battles and #7 speaking up about big issues. Every person is different, so perceptions are different thus a message and comment board on this and plenty of sites. Even when you state what you expect even if minor you may still end up with major issues. It depends on the individual.

2. Care--really care--about your nanny- You must always draw a line between employer and employee relationships, you must care but assure that you aren't taken advantage of yourself as a parent. Example: There are parents that have stated that their sitter(s) called off ill, yet brag about a great time she had with her girls the night she was supposed to work. There are Plenty examples out there. Many whom have jobs with sick leave have known that even themselves they may have taken advantage at times were they weren't ill. You may care for their health but ensure it isn't a habit as I do when I know I have work at a certain time I arrange my appointments around such hours. When ill I actually call in.

3. Pamper her (NEGATIVE)-(DISAGREE TOTALLY) (Optional) - The quality of work one does shouldn't be based on what they receive or expect to receive this should be something that was stated Optional. I personally have done these things and gained nothing in return and when gained something basic felt it was the best under the circumstances. On the other end I have given many things to my care provider out of pure love that my family has had for our care provider. If you feel need or are able to give than give.

4. Don't get in her way- The example above may ring true for some, but on that same acknowledgement you must acknowledge that; what works for some does not work for all. Parent and Care provider should work as a team, don't define that what works for her kids will work for yours because I've seen some and many do things I'd never do with my children and where others may look the other way you are doing a disservice to your child by doing so. COMMUNICATE with your care provider, because children are learning from a Village of individuals.

5. Be generous- (NEGATIVE) (OPTIONAL) - Again as it was stated above by others this should not dictate the quality of work that one does. Some of our HARDEST that serve this country make the lease. Some happy and some not if not happy as the saying goes,"GET OUT THE KITCHEN". This may make some upset but this is one reason why we have international businesses leaving, yes everyone must make a living and live within their means and that goes for the "NANNY and CARE PROVIDERS TOO. Many who do not get taxed on their services. (?) (Yeah many aren t licensed) The quality of work should be focused on more and the work and worker than seeing how much you may make. In all honesty many will find themselves like many (UNEMPLOYED) or hard to keep a job, some commented on here and talked about PAST TENSE jobs meaning I'm sure there are a number of reasons you re not working for that family. It s ok to lower your price and not your standards. Sometimes you re blessed when you are humble. I know because I started off as a Care provider and was blessed not making a GENEROUS amount but less.

6. Pick your battles and 7. ...but do speak up about big issues. - We can agree to disagree on this issue, Sometimes not looking for battles send you into FULL WORLD WAR NUMBER 3 (WWIII). Sometimes by speaking up you aren't looking for a battle but a way to communicate and reiterate what #1 was about such as expectations. Many times some care providers become comfortable to the point that they believe it's ok to do something they otherwise wouldn't have done from the first preliminary day. If you are respectful, courteous, and professional your OPINION as the children s parent and/ or guardian should matter; while be listened to and heard.

8. Help her stay organized- (SLIGHTLY) - Help her be organized but I REFUSE to clean behind GROWN individuals. RESPECT OTHERS AS YOU HAVE THEM WANT TO RESPECT YOU.

There are many points to the Article that should be adhered to and understood, but both points of view should be made not just by those that may afford to do otherwise what others may not. Many are doing the best they can with the little they have. Sometimes articles that don t have a variable range of views send the wrong message. Be mindful that some parents do not decide to use websites such as this or other people because of some of the exact views and perceptions others stated I m taking care of your child . I d hate for a doctor to let someone die because he felt he should have been paid more. NEGATIVE I would hope and pray he does it out of a love for people and their wellness yet at the same time not taken advantage of as being a physician or as a person.

Making the point that sometimes Jobs and other things are posted to see what are the motives for others the children or the money<< Amount as anything doesn t always Quality. Communication sometimes gets broken etc. etc. Respect the person you work for and respect those that work for you.
I worked as a Care provider and when the blessing and opportunity I moved on to many other blessings and opportunities that came my way. Now as a parent that looks for a worker I maintained the mindset that what I did or would have wanted is, what I look for a worker as many employers do.

Wishing you all the Best!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL.

I love being a nanny and have been blessed with nothing but great families!

Great ideas... And as for the Nanny who uses the microwave, just throw out the thing... microwaves are now proven to zap most nutrients out of food and milk!

Great families with the right attitude. I shared this article on my own Facebook page so all my families I babysit/nanny for can see it!

I've had one family in my 20+ yrs of childcare treat me with this kind of respect and dignity. Good families ate hard to find!

I had the best Mom in California, her tips were 50s and 100s and she always told me that she was happy and peace at work because I was taking care of her twins. Always told me how she appreciated my work too.
It was very hard to leave her and the twins. Her farewell gift to me was 4 framed pictures of her girls with a note on one picture that said "We Love You".
Another big blessing from God.

I really enjoyed the article! We currently have a live in nanny and have been having a lot of issues with her (almost to the point of letting her go). She has a great personality but is in NO way a self-starter or motivated to do anything at all but basically watch our daughter when I ask. We have a unique situation and she respects that but it is so hard to get her to do anything and it is even specifically outlined what her duties are in our contract and meeting notes. I say thank you and praise her every opportunity I get but that is almost never. We took her with us to a major aquarium with all the perks added on to our visit and she never even offered a thank you (we did not have her watch or care even for a minute for our child while we were there). My military husband and I pride ourselves on being an open, honest, caring, and really fun and young couple but remember families can also be taken advantage of too!

This is very helpful!! Thank you!!

This is sound advice, thank you for sharing it!

Great article, I wish most parents could read this.No amount of money is a lot for someone who spends 10 hour a day/ 50 hours a week to care for your most precious being on earth. PLEASE KEEP THEM COMING!

Thank you.

Thank you for the thoughtful article. I agree.

I really enjoyed this article! I think that this is a two way street and we as nannies should realize that our "bosses" are people before they are parents. This is a big LIFE lesson: Clear expectations, caring, sharing, showing others that they are appreciated and respecting when one speaks up for their beliefs. These are the principles that we as people should be practicing as well as teaching the kids we care for. Great article care.com.

I am a care giver/nanny. I was caring for a beautiful, sweet toddler girl. Her mother saw how hard I worked and it was too much for me. I would stay 10 hours +, although I was paid for working 10 hours. She'd have me do dishes/cook, do laundry/change beds, sweep/vacuum, besides the childcare (feed,bathe,change diapers, play, stories, sing, walk to the park and lots of lifting...) I loved and treated this little girl as if she were my very own, in her mother's absence-probably better. I don't mean to say that her mother didn't love her, just that she didn't seem to give her much 1:1 special time, like reading, singing and playing with her. This mother wanted me to "live in", but keep the relationship strictly on a business basis (hard to do when you're a part of a family dynamics). If I had moved in, I would not get paid, because I would be living there for free, plus I could buy all the groceries for the three of us. She was upset because I couldn't commit to going on a Hawaii vacation (6 months in advance) to care for her child, while she was in seminars (business related). I needed to find a F/T job with benefits, in addition to this week-end child care job. I feared being physically able to do all the lifting of the child and belongings for 2 weeks, as one day a week took its tole on me to lift up and down stairs, in and out of high chair, crib, stroller, car seat, slides and swings, etc., let alone living in the home and going up and down stairs every day. I worked every Sunday and Sat. and Sun at least once a month. I had to tell this mother that I couldn't come two days in a row and work as hard as I had the day before. After 8 months, I chose to leave this job to be present with grandchildren being born. The mother wanted a aupair. After the two births, I e-mailed to see what her situation was and I offered to resume or just be a back up, if she was happy with the new care giver. She said, "I like you very much. I don't have a "live in", but I wouldn't hire you back, because it might lead to disappointment again. You used us as stepping stones to go another direction." I was insulted. I LOVED and CARED for her little daughter. I worked over time, without extra pay, often. I worked extra when her child was ill. I used my own money to constantly buy her clothes. Mostly, I gave her daughter ME! I couldn't live on $150./week from her, nor on the $600./mo. combined when I worked another week day care job (4 over nights for $150./week. I miss this little girl so much that I would like to at least take her to the park, without pay, but it doesn't feel good that this mother thinks I used them...I still need a paying job.

The above articles/comments were very informative.

From a care givers perspective...

I love this article. Excellent reminders!

From a working mother's perspective...
I will agree with all the points above .. however, nannies should always remember, parents will always act upon the interest of the children. Nannies should respect that fact and NOT view parents actions as "Getting in the way". I doubt there are parents out there that purposely do something just to piss of the nanny. Seriously, what would the parents hope to achieve?

Thanks for the advice!

I have been a nanny for12 years. The jobs I have worked have been 3 and 4 years each. I love all the children I have cared for. My last one I love so much.It did not end well with the father and Mother. I wont go into all the details ,but I feel like I have been thrown out like an old shoe.I went above and beyond for these people and now my heart is broken because I see my little charge so seldom. I was there 4 years so I must have done something right.That little boy loves me and I adore him and all I do is cry and I miss him so much.I know I have to get over this but I feel so abandond.They always told me I was part of the family. The worst thing I had to do was when my 45year old son died ,they had planed a vacation all paid for months before, but my son died the morning inSept. I got the call at 6a.m.I went my work and told them mt son died this morning .They said they were sorry and said what are we going to do? It is my fault ,Idid say go on and I will work. I was so hoping they were going to say no, they would stay. I was a mess the whole 10 days they were gone and was trying to make arrangments for my son.I became so resentful and never got over the inconsideration.Any way thanks for letting me vent.Well wishes to you all

So, I do this and more for our nanny. It's just common sense!! you must appreciate all they do so you ( as a family) can work!! we have loved all of our nannies and only transitioned when "life intervenes"

I love this article! I have been teaching and raising other's children for over 10 years. In daycare and nannying. (And of course babysitting for far longer.) Points 1,4, 7, and 8 the most important! It's all about great communication and respect. In nannying, I have had only 1 family that didn't work out, but I think we both learned from that situation.

To example #1: I will also help with light housework and do anything related to the child(ren), and as discussed we agreed upon that. Well the day I started I got a list of what happens and when, which was fine and kind of liked. Until I noticed that I'd be cleaning blinds, the spare bedrooms, making their (the adult's) bed, polishing, etc. When the dishes seem to be piling up like not just plates and cups, but pots and pans from dinner before I don't really like it. That seems like they're taking my help for granted, but I don't really say anything. I get to when I can, if I can. But polishing? I don't even polish my own stove or fridge. They were really trying to cut back their spending and I haven't had a work load like that with twin babies before, and I didn't really say anything. The communication was seriously lacking between us. I could learn to clean like a cleaning lady, I just typically don't. But I don't think it's right for anyone to be expected to do two, or three jobs and only be expected to pay for one. For employers and employees or service providers and clients, learn from this disaster-ous situation and have clear expectations and communication.

Numbers 3 and 5 aren't that important to me. Compensation should always occur unless claiming on taxes. Know if you are a service provider or an employee, this makes a difference. My last family were very generous on these two point and like the examples were given. I really did appreciate it and it said a lot and meant a lot to me, but I don't expect every family to do so.

What I have learned, each and every family is different. The same situations will hardly ever arise twice, learn and resolve to do better. Love and enjoy everyone you get to meet and help with. We do this because we love the children and making a difference in their lives and helping the parents work when they can, and helping to make the family dynamics (from person-to-person perspective) better and transition better for them. In the end I do this because it's a talent I have, a need for others, and I want and do what's best for the child. Hopefully that's what we are all here for as we appreciate and respect each other.

Great article. We have done a lot of this already with previous care givers.

This is awesome! The first (and last) family I nannied for was similar to this. They never asked me to do light housework though; I always thought it was something you were/are supposed to do, so I did it. I also helped start/make dinner on some nights. Like Courtney M., though, polishing/dusting/doing dishes from the previous night/etc. isn't fun. I think that heavy housework (even when you have a little free time) takes away from what you came to do in the first place.

As far as treating the nanny goes... Even a paid 'vacation' with free time AND watching the kids for you is awesome, too!

I agree with number four. Unless there is a problem with something. If there is a problem with something, I think the parent(s) should talk to the nanny - but not in front of the children/when the children are home/etc. because it could interfere with the children seeing their nanny as an authority figure, thus causing them to take advantage and starting the, "Well, my Mommy/Daddy/Gran/etc. said..."

Even though I've just nannied for one family, I do have to say that I really miss it. Now that I can drive, I could actually [possibly] do things like take the kids to the park, have a picnic, etc. and/or anywhere else they need to go.

I loved it

As I began reading this article, I thought, "Wow, this lady "adores" her nanny. She's going to invite her to the mommy pampering night." But no, she adores her nanny, so she hands her the bath salts. Um, get real. That is not what it means to "adore" someone. More like, "I think of her as an employee with whom I don't want to get too friendly, but I'm hoping she thinks I like her."

I am a 40 yr. old mom of 2 little boys, and I was a nanny at 25, as well as a teacher. If you really want to show your nanny you care, be honest about how things are going, don't expect her to be a super hero, because you're not; and don't treat her like a second class citizen. My gosh, you're giving her the most important job in life, that of raising human babies into sensible, responsible adults. Treat her like you'd want to be treated after a full day of chaos, testing, messes, tantrums, running away, and fighting from kids who don't respect you nor love you as much as someone else who's hardly ever there, namely you, mommy.

Imagine if your boss at work said, "Wow, you're doing such a great job. Keep up the good work. I think I'll go to the spa."

Start my new job from Care tomorrow am with a special family that is has all the nanny being happy suggestions down pat. Live is great when your a Nanny imagine getting paid for loving kids. Just doesn't get any better than that.

I love this article !! Simply it stats facts as a sitter/nanny of 10 plus years I find that many of these things if not all of them are true.

Wendy R--with all respect(because Im totally not looking for some petty, FB-type situation-LOL)...I dont agree with your assumption that the woman who 'adored' her nanny chose not to indulge her w/ the actual Spa Treatment, but just pawned off the bath salts. She stated that it was some local event, given by a certain group of moms. It may have been an event where it wasnt an option to bring a guest...especially if that nanny wasnt a mother herself(being that it was a local 'Moms Group' event) I feel the writer was genuine about giving her nanny the handmade souvenier(that was intended for herself) as a token of appreciation.

This is WONDERFUL. :) A must read for all nannies and parents. Even the small things go a long way when showing your nanny you care. I love the families ive worked for and will go out of my way to be a rock or hug when needed, and a listener when the parents or kids have had a bad day. Live is a two way street smile and show your appreciation, it goes a long way.

As a Nanny that all sounds really good :) Those ARE the things that make me feel valued and appreciated as a nanny. It's always good to know that you are not only doing your best at what you do but others are noticing and appreciative of you!

This article has very good advice on how smooth out the kinks before they start! Thanks. Very useful advice.

Great article!!! I just have to say I have the best "familes" most notice when I go the extra mile and that is all I need to keep me motivated to help out (IE unload dishwasher). Sometimes I get a little extra but that's not why I do it. I love the families and the children. I am currently 6 months pregnant and my families have been awesome with flexibility for appts. etc. They even ask how I'm doing and want to see my ultrasound pictures.

I am a mother and grandmother,who is currently seeking to be hired as a nanny. I have lovingly cared for my own child, grandchild, an many of my nephews and nieces from kindergarten to university. I take the opportunity to read articles and comments of care providers and families they worked for to get the scoop on what's going on out there. I am however, alarmed and puzzled at the experiences comments, and advises given here, although informative. Having owned and operate a business and have related to workers in various circumstances, I am aware of the challenges associated with worker/employer relationships, but most of all, I believe caregiving, especially where children are concern should be considered and applied at a different level.

When a child is left in the care of a total stanger, there is going to be a level of anxiety on the part of the parents, and also the caregiver. I believe from the outset there should be a clear and un-compromised understanding of what is expected on both sides, if there be any change this should be discussed and agreed upon; inevitably, there are times when situation arises, but none should be taken for granted.

At this point, I must say, am a Caribbean national and of course, we see and do things a bit differently from others; though we respect others and expect the same in return, we are not the kind of people who measures things according to pay. Yes, we do draw the line, but think nothing of washing an employers' un-mentionables if we feel to. I am not here saying caregiver should do the same, but small stuff, we don't make a big deal of. We work because it's a job and if in our opinion, we are being taken for granted or taken advantage of, then I personally will have that discourse with my employer in a respectful way, and if it can't be resolved then we say good-bye.People are people and no two the same, so lets be real, if you are a nanny be a nanny in all true sense, get trained or research what it takes to be a good nanny; and if you'r an employer do not ask your nanny to be a housekeeper and a nanny, the two cannot work, and if your nanny cleans up your mess today, please do not expect her to do the same day after day. She is a nanny and so she should be.

I really appreciated this article and some of the comments. I have worked for four different families as a long-term nanny and I took classes in childcare in college. 3 of my experiences have been overwhelmingly positive and the fourth experience was enough to make me want to stop nannying for good. My current employer is incredibly kind, she and her husband are always thanking me and telling me they appreciate my work and it is very hard for me to leave them at the end of this month because I will be moving. My previous employer harassed me, was condescending, underpaid me, micromanaged me, and demanded work from me that I was unable to provide because I was watching her children. I feel that it was my fault for agreeing to take the job even though I knew the pay wasn't enough but I feel that my employer did not treat me with respect even as worked very hard to take care of her beautiful children and keep her house clean. I would urge families looking for nannies to consider whether they really want a nanny or a housekeeper. I have been offered positions which required "light housekeeping" only to find out that the family expected me to wash floors, clean bathrooms, do everyone's laundry from start to finish, shop for groceries, vacuum, and dust. Please do not expect your nanny to do these things while you are paying her the rate to watch your children. Light housekeeping includes picking up the children's play areas and bedrooms, preparing healthy meals and cleaning up after them, and folding laundry or emptying/loading the dishwasher if there is time. I am happy to help the family I currently work for with folding a basket of laundry and I clean the kitchen everyday, but they do not expect me to do these things. They have three children under three and they understand that there are times when keeping the kids safe, happy, fed, and clean is about all I can manage. Be realistic and respectful, understand that your nanny is not a superhero and be grateful that they work hard to teach and care for your children as if they were her own. Nannies can repay this trust and respect by giving their whole attention to child care and not spending all their time on the phone or kindle or plopping the kids down in front of the TV for hours on end. If you are realistic and upfront with your nanny about the duties you wish her to perform, hopefully she will feel that she can be realistic and upfront with what she will be able to accomplish while you are away. I really appreciate what Lillian said, if your nanny goes the extra mile and is able to help you clean up one day, thank her and don't expect her to be able to do it every day, her top priority is making sure your kids receive the best care possible, if it isn't find a new nanny that WILL make your kids the top priority.

Awesome article!